How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Board

I can think of at least 4 reasons to be thrilled about Rattigan and Ryan winning the UM supervisor election.  For those silly people out there who might still be unhappy, time to get with the program and start being pleased about what to expect!

1.  We can stop worrying about the township’s deficits and start looking forward to them.  Surely there must be a wonderful reason the supervisors always make sure we get a great big new one every year!  Maybe if we viewed it as a shiny Christmas present under the tree we’d all be happier.  I know that opening it kind of reveals an unattractive turd, but it’s the thought that counts!  Plus, the supervisors all seem real happy when the budget meetings are over.  Why force them to then go through the exercise of trying to get expenses to be smaller than revenues?  That’s scary math, and might make the supervisors cranky, and more than anything we want happy supervisors, even if it costs us an arm and a leg.  We’re Upper Makefield!  We should overspend just so we can say so!

2. We can stop worrying about what we can or cannot say at supervisor meetings.  Just last night Bud Baldwin apologized for letting things get out of hand in past meetings, and allowing pro-Ryan-and-Rattigan folks to shill for their candidates during the public comments.  That was all so pre-election!  The board won’t make that mistake again, at least not until Bud runs, and he’s contested.  If someone gets up to make a public comment, Rice the lawyer will let them know whether or not they can continue.  Therefore, we can all feel more secure that the seemingly simple act of speaking out, which is an activity riddled with peril, won’t cause us to inadvertantly break the law at a township meeting.  As a bonus, we can all feel content that Rice is earning his money.  Also, people like Dan Worden, Betsy Falconi, and anyone on the EAC board will always get a free pass to say what they want, so we won’t be in danger of missing anything they say, just in case Rice makes a mistake about who he tries to shut down.

3. Prior to the election, a pro-Rattigan-Ryan letter went out to some constituents and was signed with names like Greenwood, Kulig, Ford, Baldwin, Steil, West, Falconi, Stevenson, Worden, and Gunser.  Or was it Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc, Bashful, Happy, Grumpy and Dopey?  Never mind; if you have trouble memorizing the first list, just use the second.  Anyway, some people were taken aback by that group’s use of a red star to be their logo, and asked why they used the same symbol that the ChiComs and NoKo use.  Bud Baldwin quickly cleared that up, pointing out that Texaco and Macy’s also use red stars, and everyone knows they have been around much longer than China or Korea.  They have better commercials, too.  From Bud’s remarks, I think we can infer that UM residents can expect upcoming township parades the size and scope of the Macy’s Day parade, and boy what a treat that will be!  Looking forward to the big balloons!

4. In the olden days, Upper Makefield was seen as Republican.  But the color for republicans is red, and that’s the same color those nasty commies use.  Thankfully, we can now stop being ashamed of being republican-red and start being proud of moving towards democrat-blue.  True, for a while we’ll have to do with being purple, which clashes with just about everything, but maybe if we say “imperial purple” it’ll be cool, and much more in line with the tone of the supervisor board.  And instead of red star letters, the Dopey-Sneezy gang can send out Imperial Purple Star letters, providing it doesn’t interfere with our Macy’s red-star parade expectations.

I’m sure if I gave it more thought, I’d come up with more reasons to be glad.  But writing up these 4 reasons has pitched me into such an intoxicating state of bliss, I feel I must break for now, lest I die of joy.


5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Sean on January 5, 2012 at 1:41 am

    I think the open space program is a scam.


  2. Posted by Tony from Upper Make on November 17, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    Waaaaaaa. Someone get this guy a bottle.


  3. Posted by Hrafn on November 17, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Get over yourself.


  4. Posted by Bill Trainer on November 17, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Move on, Brother. Your type of destructive accusations and childish humor is soooo in the past. The voters heard all sides and made their decisions. Now, let’s work together to make UM a better place, not an arena for petty vengence.


  5. Posted by delta on November 17, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Diogenes would have loved you….


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